Meeting My Quota

I have friends who blog, I mean really blog.  Once a week at least, some even once a day.  One of them recently got me thinking, after I made a comment about being bff with the blogging gods, he said Molly you blog like twice a year, how could you be friends with the blogging gods. 

He's right, since I started this blog I've written two posts.  Nearly a year apart.  I've always offered up excuses for why I don't blog more often.  I'm busy, I don't know what to say, my blog won't be as good as so and so's, no one will read it.  But after Kavan's honest statement, I got to thinking.  What's really behind my lack of willingness to blog?  I hate journaling so when I do blog its intensely theraputic for me.  I have all of these thought swirling around in my mind, my brain is constantly thinking, processing, reasoning.  So what reason do I have to not do it?  The reasons above, garbage.  The honest truth. 


I'm afraid of what people will think.


Much of what is swirling around inside is laced with anger in its various forms.  If it isn't rooted in anger its rooted in embarrassment.  What would people think if they knew what was going on inside of me? Would they wonder how I could call myself a Christian? Would they still want to be my friends? Would they feel like they didn't really know who I was?

James 5:16 says "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

I struggled with the idea that the anger I carry is a sin.  I rarely let it out and allow it cause damage to others.  So is it really a sin? Confession is an often misunderstood action.  It carries with it a fear of judgment, but the root word's definition is as follows; to admit or acknowledge something damaging or inconvenient to oneself.   Anger = Damaging.  Anger = Inconvenient.  So does anger = a need for confession?

The realities of confession are that it can be and is intended to be renewing, freeing and edifying.  Proverbs 6: 1-8 says "My son if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you have struck hands in pledge for another, if you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor's hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids.  Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler." 

Right now, at this moment, I am trapped by what I've said, trapped by what I've felt, ensnared by anger in all its forms.  Trapped by a fear of judgment.  But in order to be what God intends of me I cannot be so.  I have to free myself.  So, I am committing to blogging more than twice a year.  Meeting my quota, in order to free myself. 

Be prepared,  I am not as I seem, but I have faith you will love me anyway.